Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Long Overdue Correspondence

Dear Mother Nature-
I am glad that you have finally sorted out your meds & are once again feeling balanced. In the future should you decided to go off your meds please give me a heads up. There is nothing worse than wearing a thin white shirt on a day that was supposed to be sunny & warm and have it be down pouring & freezing. I truly do not think that is too much to ask.
Thank you for kissing & making up with the sun,

To the T-
GO TO HELL!! I understand that situations outside of your control happen, I truly do. However why oh why do you tell me a train is delayed for 20 minutes & then after 35 tell me I have to leave the subway & take a bus? Then when I finally get on a bus why did you have to kick me off & tell me to get on another bus? Only to get kicked off that bus & sent back underground to take another train? Then when I reach the end of that stretch of my journey why would you tell me I have to take a bus only to kick me off of it again? Oh and then my favorite part; instead of taking the bus to my destination station you dump me off at yet another station so I can take ANOTHER FUCKING TRAIN!!!! Turning my typical 20 minute commute into a 2 hour adventure?
We are totally breaking up you can take your Charlie Ticket & shove it!

Dear Bicycle People-
I have tried to share the road with you folks for years now & recently came to this realization: sharing the road with you is impossible as you are a group of self centered pricks. How about we share my foot up your collective asses? I have had it with you all & I just can not take it anymore!!
I consider myself to be a courteous driver, I brake for small animals & children, I stop at crosswalks, I obey traffic signs & signals. My 2 biggest vices loud music & I drive an average of 5-7 miles over posted limits. OK so I don't obey all traffic signs.
What I don't do is this: hog the road because I feel that I am entitled to. I understand that if I am out for a leisurely ride the person behind me may not be so I get the hell out of the way. If someone is following me we don't drive side by side so we can discuss our next turn. See we share the road, we don't take it over.
Not liking you at all & hoping you will leave soon,

To My Darling Landscapers-
Are we honestly going to play this game again this year? Your day to arrive is Wednesday or if it is raining the next dry day. You are not allowed to show up randomly on a Sunday when I am a) hungover & b) in bed...naked. You see it takes me a bit of time to wake up on a good day & find clothes let alone on a day when I am so hungover I can barely stand. If you want a show fine then you can stop billing me for your services until then Wednesday is your day to show up!
See you on Wednesday!


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