This Just In

Benign!! The Pathology results on the 2 lumps removed from Jamaica are back & they are benign. I was so thrilled when the vet called y'all have no idea. I celebrated this news with a martini & bought Jamaica a new toy. Which she proceeded to destroy.

As far as the aquatics position I had applied for. I didn't get it. Apparently I was over qualified. Who knew? Certainly not me.

But you know the saying everything happens for a reason? It is so totally true. Why? Because today I had lunch with an old boss who happens to also be a friend. She also happens to be in need of someone to fill my old job. Lots of organizational stuff & some teaching which I love. The best part? I set my own schedule and I can continue to bartend when I want to. See, everything happens for a reason.

Overall I am feeling pretty good about things. I have employment opportunities in front of me that I am going to take. They don't stress me out to the point where I need adovan & vodka to make it through the day or to sleep at night. It has taken me a long time but I realized I don't need a corporate job or a snazzy title under my name on a business card to be successful.

I am a damn good aquatics director & my scheduling abilities are still the stuff of legend. But more importantly the job made me happy. The same goes for bartending. I love it & I am good at it so why not do it?

As far as romance in my life...it will come. Stapler Boy is who he is I am done trying to change him instead I have accepted it. For now that works. When it stops working I will move on. Plus I still have my other arrangements to keep me busy.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Truer words have never been spoken. On Tuesday Jamaica aka my baby girl had 2 scary lumps removed. The first was removed from her side & although it is a scary lump not nearly as scary as the second. The second lump was on the top of her head.

This lump came up out of no where and it immediately freaked me out. Thus the trip to the vet & the surgery. Before the surgery was the needle aspiration of the lump which revealed nothing. Well it revealed it could be cancer could not be cancer. Three hours later I brought home Frankendong, she has 5 stitches on her head & 5 stitches on her side.

All in all Jamaica is recovering well. She is eating, drinking & generally acting normal. That is great for her. I, in the meantime have been trying to avoid a full on freak out while I am waiting for the biopsy results. Hopefully I will have them tomorrow if not I have to wait til Monday or Tuesday.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a second interview today for an aquatics position. Fingers crossed!

Long Overdue Correspondence

Dear Mother Nature-
I am glad that you have finally sorted out your meds & are once again feeling balanced. In the future should you decided to go off your meds please give me a heads up. There is nothing worse than wearing a thin white shirt on a day that was supposed to be sunny & warm and have it be down pouring & freezing. I truly do not think that is too much to ask.
Thank you for kissing & making up with the sun,
Mel

To the T-
GO TO HELL!! I understand that situations outside of your control happen, I truly do. However why oh why do you tell me a train is delayed for 20 minutes & then after 35 tell me I have to leave the subway & take a bus? Then when I finally get on a bus why did you have to kick me off & tell me to get on another bus? Only to get kicked off that bus & sent back underground to take another train? Then when I reach the end of that stretch of my journey why would you tell me I have to take a bus only to kick me off of it again? Oh and then my favorite part; instead of taking the bus to my destination station you dump me off at yet another station so I can take ANOTHER FUCKING TRAIN!!!! Turning my typical 20 minute commute into a 2 hour adventure?
We are totally breaking up you can take your Charlie Ticket & shove it!
Mel

Dear Bicycle People-
I have tried to share the road with you folks for years now & recently came to this realization: sharing the road with you is impossible as you are a group of self centered pricks. How about we share my foot up your collective asses? I have had it with you all & I just can not take it anymore!!
I consider myself to be a courteous driver, I brake for small animals & children, I stop at crosswalks, I obey traffic signs & signals. My 2 biggest vices loud music & I drive an average of 5-7 miles over posted limits. OK so I don't obey all traffic signs.
What I don't do is this: hog the road because I feel that I am entitled to. I understand that if I am out for a leisurely ride the person behind me may not be so I get the hell out of the way. If someone is following me we don't drive side by side so we can discuss our next turn. See we share the road, we don't take it over.
Not liking you at all & hoping you will leave soon,
Mel

To My Darling Landscapers-
Are we honestly going to play this game again this year? Your day to arrive is Wednesday or if it is raining the next dry day. You are not allowed to show up randomly on a Sunday when I am a) hungover & b) in bed...naked. You see it takes me a bit of time to wake up on a good day & find clothes let alone on a day when I am so hungover I can barely stand. If you want a show fine then you can stop billing me for your services until then Wednesday is your day to show up!
See you on Wednesday!
Mel