LONG TRAFFIC RANTS

Dear Mass Highway,
I appreciate the fact that you are repairing the pothole ridden stretch of 128 South. HOWEVER,the BRAIN CHILD that decided closing the right hand lane just as the worst on-ramp in the history of America's highway system is merging onto the highway needs to be smacked.repeatedly! Seriously on a good day those merging onto the highway cant see me and I cant see them. Combine that with all of us being forced into one lane..do you know what that equals?90 FREAKING MINUTES TO GO 5/10 of a FREAKING MILE. That isnt cap locks I am in fact SCREAMING AT YOU!

Hating you,
Mel

Dear Joe Tough Guy in the Honda Accord,

So heres the thing, when you are in traffic and forced to merge from 2 lanes into 1 it goes like this one lane then then other, one lane then the other. Got it or did the drugs you do in high school rot your brain that much? I realize the you **think** you are diving a muscle car and I hate to break it to you; you're not. The only muscle in your car belong to the 4 angry gerbils running on the big wheel under the hood that make your car go brum brum. FYI they hate you too so I would plan on having to have some engine work done soon.

Just say NO next time!

Mel

Dear Men repairing above mentioned pothole ridden stretch of 128-

I should start by saying I have a tremendous amount of respect for the work you do and the conditions you work under. Extreme cold and heat, you deal with it all. I even respect you in the summer when you take off your shirts to cope with the heat & it looks like they are filming "Planet of the Apes" on the side of the road! That said, I am thinking if you grade down a stretch of highway and the frost heaves and potholes are still present you may have to grade it some more prior to paving it. Now I am not trying to tell you how to do your job I am just saying. To recap, I appreciate you BUT I am am thinking this isn't going to fix the problem.

Appreciating you,

Mel

Dear Woman who feels the need to honk at everyone in traffic-

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE US TO GO? Should we all pull on our cloaks of invisibility? Sprout wings & fly? How about this, you deal with your repressed anger and come to terms with the fact the he's just not that into you, find a good shrink & join eharmony and leave the rest of us alone. I would recommend getting a pet however you are to mean to own a freaking fish!

Thinking you are a bitch & it is OK if he cheats,

Mel

Get A Job You Bum!

Only I can't. Honest to god since I left my last job in April the thought of putting myself through that again terrifies me.

Lets be honest shall we? I do not handle rejection or change well. Rejection I can usually drink away the pain of. Change I have learned to accept as part of life. But my last job robbed me of something I haven't been able to identify & therefore have not been able to replace.

I accepted a position that I was overqualified for but I accepted it with the hope & promise of bigger & better things. This was a step up the ladder, a foot in the door. Only no one told me that after the honeymoon was over someone was going to take all the top rungs out of the ladder then step on my foot & slam the door closed.

I wish I could go into detail here about everything that happened but I am not tarnishing any ones name here other than my own (and Erica's on occasion) so I cant. I was treated poorly, repeatedly & when the adovan stopped working on my panic attacks so did I. I literally shut down.

First I slept for 3 days then I got drunk for about 7. Then I started calling people from my past so I could go back to a time when things were comfortable & familiar. Right now I am living a life very similar to the one I was living say 8 or 9 years ago. I am not working & I am broke but I am a damn happy unemployed waste of space!

I want to go back out in the world & get another big girl job I do but at the moment the very thought of doing that throws me into a tailspin faster than you can imagine. I am hoping the anxieties I have about going out in the big bad world fade soon. If for no reason other than so I can be myself again.

This Just In

Benign!! The Pathology results on the 2 lumps removed from Jamaica are back & they are benign. I was so thrilled when the vet called y'all have no idea. I celebrated this news with a martini & bought Jamaica a new toy. Which she proceeded to destroy.

As far as the aquatics position I had applied for. I didn't get it. Apparently I was over qualified. Who knew? Certainly not me.

But you know the saying everything happens for a reason? It is so totally true. Why? Because today I had lunch with an old boss who happens to also be a friend. She also happens to be in need of someone to fill my old job. Lots of organizational stuff & some teaching which I love. The best part? I set my own schedule and I can continue to bartend when I want to. See, everything happens for a reason.

Overall I am feeling pretty good about things. I have employment opportunities in front of me that I am going to take. They don't stress me out to the point where I need adovan & vodka to make it through the day or to sleep at night. It has taken me a long time but I realized I don't need a corporate job or a snazzy title under my name on a business card to be successful.

I am a damn good aquatics director & my scheduling abilities are still the stuff of legend. But more importantly the job made me happy. The same goes for bartending. I love it & I am good at it so why not do it?

As far as romance in my life...it will come. Stapler Boy is who he is I am done trying to change him instead I have accepted it. For now that works. When it stops working I will move on. Plus I still have my other arrangements to keep me busy.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Truer words have never been spoken. On Tuesday Jamaica aka my baby girl had 2 scary lumps removed. The first was removed from her side & although it is a scary lump not nearly as scary as the second. The second lump was on the top of her head.

This lump came up out of no where and it immediately freaked me out. Thus the trip to the vet & the surgery. Before the surgery was the needle aspiration of the lump which revealed nothing. Well it revealed it could be cancer could not be cancer. Three hours later I brought home Frankendong, she has 5 stitches on her head & 5 stitches on her side.

All in all Jamaica is recovering well. She is eating, drinking & generally acting normal. That is great for her. I, in the meantime have been trying to avoid a full on freak out while I am waiting for the biopsy results. Hopefully I will have them tomorrow if not I have to wait til Monday or Tuesday.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a second interview today for an aquatics position. Fingers crossed!

Long Overdue Correspondence

Dear Mother Nature-
I am glad that you have finally sorted out your meds & are once again feeling balanced. In the future should you decided to go off your meds please give me a heads up. There is nothing worse than wearing a thin white shirt on a day that was supposed to be sunny & warm and have it be down pouring & freezing. I truly do not think that is too much to ask.
Thank you for kissing & making up with the sun,
Mel

To the T-
GO TO HELL!! I understand that situations outside of your control happen, I truly do. However why oh why do you tell me a train is delayed for 20 minutes & then after 35 tell me I have to leave the subway & take a bus? Then when I finally get on a bus why did you have to kick me off & tell me to get on another bus? Only to get kicked off that bus & sent back underground to take another train? Then when I reach the end of that stretch of my journey why would you tell me I have to take a bus only to kick me off of it again? Oh and then my favorite part; instead of taking the bus to my destination station you dump me off at yet another station so I can take ANOTHER FUCKING TRAIN!!!! Turning my typical 20 minute commute into a 2 hour adventure?
We are totally breaking up you can take your Charlie Ticket & shove it!
Mel

Dear Bicycle People-
I have tried to share the road with you folks for years now & recently came to this realization: sharing the road with you is impossible as you are a group of self centered pricks. How about we share my foot up your collective asses? I have had it with you all & I just can not take it anymore!!
I consider myself to be a courteous driver, I brake for small animals & children, I stop at crosswalks, I obey traffic signs & signals. My 2 biggest vices loud music & I drive an average of 5-7 miles over posted limits. OK so I don't obey all traffic signs.
What I don't do is this: hog the road because I feel that I am entitled to. I understand that if I am out for a leisurely ride the person behind me may not be so I get the hell out of the way. If someone is following me we don't drive side by side so we can discuss our next turn. See we share the road, we don't take it over.
Not liking you at all & hoping you will leave soon,
Mel

To My Darling Landscapers-
Are we honestly going to play this game again this year? Your day to arrive is Wednesday or if it is raining the next dry day. You are not allowed to show up randomly on a Sunday when I am a) hungover & b) in bed...naked. You see it takes me a bit of time to wake up on a good day & find clothes let alone on a day when I am so hungover I can barely stand. If you want a show fine then you can stop billing me for your services until then Wednesday is your day to show up!
See you on Wednesday!
Mel

Stapler Boy. . .

I know, I know you all saw the title & wanted to shut off your computer or smash it with your red swingline. Sorry folks but just tough it out...Please? I feel like I have so much to say yet nothing to say at the same time. I hate being unemployed but it certainly feels better than my last job did. I was in a word: miserable. More so than I ever was with really large phone company type place. At least at really large phone company type place you knew your friends would not let you fail. At my last place your so called friends set you up to fail.

I hate being single but I hate being in a relationship just for the sake of not being single even more. Stapler Boys return has really made me think about a lot of things. Specifically, the person I was the last 2 times we tried this. The first time I was shallow, selfish & demanding. I wanted what I wanted & that was it. I could have given a rats ass about what he wanted or needed.

The second time we dated I needed someone but did not want that person to need me. Again with the theme of the selfish. I am not saying that he was perfect. He wasn't. He admits it. Up until today, I never have. I guess that answers the what is different question. This time we have both admitted our past mistakes and are trying. Where that is going to take us I dont know but for the first time in a long time I am excited about going anywhere.

Stuff.......

Well last you all heard I up and quit my job to follow what I thought was a dream. Turned out it was a big ole' nightmare. Seriously, worse than the ones I usually have and those of you that know me well know are muy mal. Allow me to explain. . .

I was working a gazillion hours a week and carrying the bulk of the workload for less pay and less recognition that most of the other "managers" within this particular establishment. I know right now you are thinking "Suck it up Mel. Welcome to retail." Nice try. About 2 almost 3 weeks ago I was pulled into the conference room and put on a disciplinary step for everything from doing my job too well to not doing my job at all to the color of my socks (NOT lying). I knew from a reliable source the write-up was coming so I had prepared myself for it mentally. I took my 40 lashes in my typical stoic manner then went out to my truck and chain smoked until I could taste my lungs bleeding.

I decided then and there as soon as my bonus posted I was giving my 2 weeks notice. Which I then did the following Friday. Only then the shit just got worse. People who worked under me refused to do work for me and knew because of my "disciplinary step." I could not reprimand them as they could cry "retaliation" or some other bogus remark and I would be terminated immediately. So I was now doing even more of the work and getting bitched at from all sides. In all honesty I compared going to work everyday to a grudge fuck. I really didn't want to do but felt like I had to. Until a week ago when I had finally had enough and walked the hell out. Surprised? So was I.

Holy Shit right? Now I am frantically on-line applying for bartending jobs. I have decided that is what I am going to do to get thru the summer or at least until the Trophy Wife market is up in full swing again. Thank God I have the friends and family I do. Cause Holy Mother of Crap they have put up with a ton of shit from me since October and for that I am sorry.

So if anyone out there happens upon this post and knows of a decent bartending job in the Boston area...hook me up...please?

There is so much more to post on such as the return of Stapler Boy which you can read about here. And a few new 4-legged children Ella who you all met in October and now Alabama whom I will post a picture of soonish. I promise.